Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Fun Monday Hangover

Yesterday's Fun Monday post got me thinking about my last moments. Initially, I thought I didn't have a problem at all with dying. My only regret about leaving would be that Aaron would lose the one person that he feels completely secure with. We have been trying to get him to go to Richard for comfort but so far, its still just me. I know its because I am the constant in his life and Richard only spends a little time in the morning and at lunch with him each day. If anything were to happen, it will be rough on Aaron but I know he'll adjust. I hate to think of the agony that he'll have to go through while adjusting. So now, in a roundabout kind of way, I guess I do have a problem with leaving.

An even more morbid thought than the one above is if anything were to happen to Aaron. I don't think I would be able to adjust. Several nights ago, I had a dream (more like a nightmare) where Aaron was taken away by another family. As if that wasn't bad enough, I spent some time during the day imagining things even worse than that. Imagining these horrible situations stirred up such vivid and even physical feelings. This must be how parents feel when they say they would 'do anything' for their child. In my brain, I've always known that as a mother, I will always protect Aaron. However, I never realized how deeply I felt about this and how much worry it generates. Maybe I have slow mother instinct development and I've been taking things for granted.

Suddenly, almost over night, I have heightened paranoia over kidnapping, disease, and accidents. Who will I call? Which hospital would I rush to? Would I rush to the airport instead? If there are no flights to KL, I'll have to find flights to Singapore. But that means I have to go via Jakarta. Would it then mean that I should just wait until the next flight to KL? Do I go into this panic mode for broken bones as well? OR is that over reacting? Would they still let us fly if he gets dengue?


John said...

I don't think that your feelings are unusual for a mother. At least you can comfort yourself in doing something to be proactive--have phone numbers posted nearby (hospital, poison control, police, etc.).

For Aaron, the separation anxiety is much different because he only knows that mom isn't there and not what to do about it.

At a kids camp last year, a K-9 policeman and his dog came. One tip he had was for parents to keep a current picture of their child and to take a damp wash cloth, rub it on their skin (the child's), place it in a plastic bag and keep it in the freezer. He said that his bloodhound could track the scent from the thawed washcloth...even ten years later!

By the way, I'm not sure that it gets any better. Hannah (16) just got into a car to drive to school...I still worry about morbid things like kidnapping, sex crimes, car accidents, etc.

Amanda said...

Hi John, thanks for leaving this comment. I didn't know about about the scent from frozen washcloths. Will get one frozen first thing tomorrow morning!

I always like hearing from you and Bilbo....both with the much older kids.

Val said...

You have a great blog! have a beautiful week! Val

Kellan said...

I think it is good to have an action plan in the event something serious were to happen to Aaron - not a bad idea. I hope nothing serious ever happens to Aaron - or you!

Take care - Kellan

Jean-Luc Picard said...

A really thoughtful post.

MamaGeek said...

Yes, that seems perfectly normal in today's world sadly. Having said that, odds are you'll be safe!

Serina Hope said...

I think that that is just part of the ballgame. You have kids , you worry. If you didn't worry I would worry about you..haha. I am with you so much on this though. How do people cope with that loss?

Bilbo said...

It's in the nature of parents to worry about their children, and it's in the nature of children to give their parents things to worry about. The key is to do your best to prepare for the things you have some control over and try not to fret about what you can't control. The world seems to be a darker and more dangerous place than it was when my children were little, but common sense and sound planning will protect Aaron (and his future brothers and sisters) from the worst of it. You're a good mother, and someday Aaron will remember it and apply the lessons to his own family.