I Rocked My Babies To Sleep Too!

I've blogged many times about sleep and babies. After many books, multiple experiments and mountains of good intentions, I have to say that I soothe my babies to sleep, whether its by carrying them, feeding them or lying down with them. The controlled crying sleep training method is not something I believe in.

Even though this is something I believe is right for my family, I often feel judged by it. The rest of the world seemed to have been able to train their babies to put themselves to sleep. And, there is always so much praise for such those 'good babies'.

Well, today, I met a mother of seven month old quads. She also has two other children aged five and two! I have a family with children aged five and two and it is a crazy household. So, when I found out that the baby she carries in a sling each week in the gymnastics class she takes her two year old to was actually on rotation with its other three siblings, I was in awe of that woman. She had long hair and it looked cleaned and well brushed. She had a make up on and she was very soft spoken with the two children she brought with her. If I had met her elsewhere, I would have thought she only had one baby.

Anyway, I couldn't resist asking her the questions that everybody else must ask her. I wanted to know how she  managed four babies at once. She said that she had help at home - good for her. BUT, she also said that she rocked each and every one of her babies to sleep. She chooses to do it this way and does not accept that her babies need to be trained to go to sleep. She did it for her first two children and she will do it for these four. Thats amazing! I don't know about her or how tired she gets but it made me feel that if a mother to six children could rock her babies to sleep, and feel good about it, then I should too.

Bed Times Around The World

I had a good idea for today's post but when I sat down to look for information, they were hard to come by. Having lived in Asia and Australia, I've noticed that there is a significant difference in the time that children go to sleep. Over here in Australia, I think babies are usually down for the night by 6 or 7pm. I also hear that some of Aaron's classmates are in bed by 7pm but most go to sleep between 7.30 and 8pm. In our house, on a normal day, Adrian goes to bed at 7pm and Aaron at 8pm. 

In Malaysia, I often see babies out and about in shopping centers right up until closing time at 10pm. Even if they are at home, I think many go to sleep for the night when their parents go. These are based on my observations of people in my family and my neighbors. School aged children also have bedtimes that are quite late because they often have extra tuition classes in the evenings that don't finish until 9pm.

My intention tonight was to find some data on bed times around the world. Unfortunately, the best I can do is the information I share below. I got it from the Sleep Education blog and I think their information originated from a study presented at Sleep 2008 by the American Academy of Sleep Medicine.

Children in New Zealand went to bed the earliest with an average bedtime of 7:16 p.m. Children in Hong Kong went to bed the latest with an average bedtime of 10:10 p.m. U.S. children had an average bedtime of 8:52 p.m.

Japanese children had the lowest total sleep time (i.e., nightly sleep plus daytime naps) of 11.6 hours of sleep per day. Children in New Zealand had the highest total sleep time of 13.3 hours of sleep. U.S. children averaged 12.9 hours of total sleep time per day.

I don't think its healthy for children to go to bed so late and personally, I wouldn't be able to handle the meltdowns that would occur if Aaron or Adrian were to stay up to 10pm but its out of necessity that this happens in many Asian countries. It deserves a whole post of its own but those evening tuition classes that I mentioned are a necessity to pass all the school exams. Oh and don't forget the amount of homework that children in Asia get - homework from school AND the tuition classes.

Once again, I am counting my blessings that we get to live here where there is no homework and children go to bed early. Hopefully, this won't backfire on them in the long run.

Sleeping is Hard Work

My previous discussions on sleep have all been about babies and how they don't sleep. Well, today its about me and me not sleeping.

I know that I probably don't get enough sleep. Thankfully, I don't particularly like sleeping because there is not enough time in each of my days to do things like read, sew, surf the internet and yes, watch TV. Unfortunately, I also know that healthy sleep habits are required for a healthy body, healthy mind etc etc etc. So, I want to sleep.

And, I try. I make an effort to go to cut short all the fun things I could be doing and go to bed. But, it has always been a struggle for me. It takes me anywhere between 30 minutes and 120 minutes to actually fall asleep. I've been like this for as long as I can remember and it is frustrating. Its a waste of valuable time doing absolutely nothing - not even sleeping. If I get out of bed then I have to start the whole 'going to sleep' process again, waste more time and lose even more actual time sleeping.

Breastfeeding has been my temporary solution. Its been great this past year to be able to just lie down and fall asleep. Prolactin is the hormone that makes milk and its also the body's stress fighting/relaxation hormone and I think it has been my sleeping pill. I'm an addict!

Unfortunately, Adrian has been sleeping better recently. Have you ever heard a mother complain about such a development? I don't need to feed him as much at night and sometimes, he doesn't wake at the time that I want to go to sleep. So, I just lie there, waiting to fall asleep. Sometimes I wait so long that I'll purposely go wake him up just so that I need to feed him. Crazy isn't it when the goal is supposedly to have a baby sleep 12 hours straight.

Its 11pm now and I'm hoping to go to sleep. Hopefully, he'll wake up soon and I'll just have to feed him. Good night!

The Curse Of The Bad Sleepers

Yes, it feels like a curse right now. Aaron was a horrible sleeper as a baby and while Adrian scored 100% for sleeping as a newborn, he has gradually dropped to the very bottom of the class. I've come to dread the evenings and nights.

Adrian falls asleep very easily. Its staying asleep that he doesn't know how to do. He doesn't wake to play or feed. He just wakes. For all I know, he could be waking for a cuddle! From the time he goes to bed at around 7.30pm, I attend to him every 30-45 mins until around midnight where he sleeps 2 hour stretches. And, each "attend" can be anything from a 1 minute pat on the back to a 60 minute sobbing session as he tries to go back to sleep. The worst part of it all is that I am the only person that can go in to him. If Richard goes in, he falls apart and its even harder for me to get him to sleep again.

I have seriously been considering "Ferberizing" him. Y'know, the cry-it-out method. I gave a go a couple of months ago but it seemed to halt all of Adrian's development and interaction with us so I stopped. This method just doesn't sit right with me but I am getting desperate.

So far, I have been trying the methods from Elizabeth Pantley's "No Cry Sleep Solution". There has been minimal crying but no sleep either. *sigh*

Why me? Why me? Why me?

The only consolation I have is that things were like this with Aaron but at this very moment, he is asleep in his bed and will stay that way until 6am tomorrow. He started getting good at around three years of age so I only have another two and a half years to go with Adrian (!!!).

I'm here to remind myself that things felt a lot easier with Aaron once I accepted his sleep patterns. I will still try my best to fix this tiring situation but all I can do is my best. If it remains this way, I'll just have to live through it.

I'll get to sleep again....one day....

Aaron Sleeps Through But I Don't !

My sleep patterns have been completely out of synch lately. And this time, I can't blame Aaron. He sleeps through 10 or more hours every night now!

On the other hand, I'm either taking about 2 hours to fall asleep OR waking up at about 2am and staying awake till nearly 4am. It is so annoying. I'm tired, I'm even sleepy, but I just won't fall asleep.

When Aaron was the lousy sleeper, I used to nurse him back to sleep. The upside of always needing to do that was the nursing hormones. They not only put him to sleep but me as well! I've always taken a long time to fall asleep but when we were still nursing, it was a piece of cake.

These days, I'm back to the old routine of taking forever to get to dreamland. And on top of that, when I do fall asleep, I wake up again in a couple of hours and have to repeat the whole process again.

Its not as if I have a big problem to stress over that I'm being kept awake. In fact, the most trivial of thoughts come to mind as I lay awake. Take last night for example: I kept wondering about how I would get my Rubik's Cube back from a neighbor in Palembang. He's an 8 year old boy and I let him borrow it for the duration of my stay here in Ipoh. But I've extended my stay. Maybe he'll think its his permanently. Maybe, he has tossed it out. Maybe, maybe, maybe....Its just a stoopid Rubik's Cube. GO TO SLEEP!

Oh yes, the other thing I tend to think about when I can't sleep is food. This is something I haven't had in a while so, I think about it quite a bit - Curry Noodles with Chinese Roast Pork.



I've tried exercising, not exercising, having a warm drink, not having a drink, repetitive prayer, emptying my mind (this one is hard), whatever!

Its a vicious cycle because by 1pm the next day, I'm sleepy and I have to put Aaron down for his nap. Very often, I end up falling asleep very easily at that time but I'm stopping that now. Its not going to help my night sleeping. So here I am, new blogging time.

Sleeping like a baby

I wonder who coined that phrase "Sleeping like a baby"?

Yes, many people have babies who sleep well, soundly, through the night, peacefully and plenty of other adjectives associated with a good nights rest.

Aaron definitely isn't one of those and never has been. And, the more I read about it, the more I find out that there are plenty of other babies like him in the world. Its comforting to know that we're not alone.

At the beginning, it was as if he didn't have an 'Off' switch. He'd try and try to sleep but it just seemed like he didn't know how to. We got through that stage and he's good at falling asleep now. Its the staying asleep that we still need to work on.

The problem now is with what happens in his little head while he sleeps. Last year, we had many instances of night terrors where he would scream, sometimes with his eyes open, yet not see me and not respond to any form of comforting. Thankfully, those have subsided.

These days, its his normal dreams that interrupt his sleep. Sometimes, its really funny. There have been a few instances where we've heard him laughing and chuckling in his sleep. Other times, he has pushed himself to a sitting position, then actually stood up before flopping back down again. There must be some unpleasant dreams in there as well because he also whimpers and seems frustrated with whatever he's dreaming of. Very often, I find his head wet with sweat and the sheets around his head soaked through. This is with the air conditioning on quite cool.

I've noticed that his good/not-so-good sleep is somewhat cyclical with a couple of weeks of sleeping soundly followed by a couple of rough weeks. Maybe its to do with his normal development cycles. Who knows?

I've often been told that I made the 'mistake' of co-sleeping with him (and therefore teaching him to rely on me) but I actually like having him there. Of course there is the odd night when he's woken me up one too many times but on the whole, its probably just once during my night's sleep and I don't even remember it in the morning. Nothing beats being woken up by a fresh little baby grin and leftover words from his last dream. He literally jumps out of bed each morning and is full of energy and enthusiasm to face his day.

Pillow Talk

Recently, I've been trying to introduce a little pillow to Aaron. He doesn't really get the idea of the pillow yet and keeps sitting ON it before laying down and then worms his way down until his head is on it. That lasts about 2 seconds before he's up and trying to position himself on it again. I'm not fussed about it. The pillow was just another gimmick I was trying out to get him to sleep.

Maybe the pillow's success is also hindered by the fact that I sleep on a completely different type. And he wants something like mine.

I started sleeping on the ancient Chinese style porcelain pillow about 6 years ago. My father had been sleeping on one for several years by then when I gave it a go one afternoon and never looked back.



This type of pillow first appeared in the Sui Dynasty (581-618 AD), reached a peak during the 10th-14th Centuries and then were phased out during the Ming and Qing dynasties (1368-1911) when supposedly 'better' pillow making materials emerged.

It may look hard and uncomfortable but in reality, it keeps you cool during hot and humid weather and provides the perfect support for your head/neck. I used to have a lot of neck and shoulder aches, probably due to bad posture, but after I started with these pillows, they're all gone. If I travel and have to sleep on a regular pillow, I wake up the next day feeling stiff again. What I do is grab either the telephone directories or something similar for that perfect nights sleep. I've even seen my father sleep on an overturned bowl once when he couldn't find anything better. This pillow is hard to get into but addictive.

Go try it out with your telephone directories, or maybe a rectangular Tupperware.

Mumbling about sleep again...

This is strange. Its 5pm and I am sitting in front of the computer while Aaron snoozes. For the past week or so, I've been having problems putting him down for his afternoon naps. He lays there and genuinely tries for about 30-45mins to fall asleep. If he's not successful, he'll give up around the 45min mark and start playing around and asking to go out. I pretend to be asleep for another 15mins or so, hoping, that he'll fall asleep but that hasn't happened yet. After I give up, I try my best to stretch him peacefully till bedtime (6.30pm) but he usually has a meltdown halfway through dinner and all through his bath. So today, I decided to let him have a very very late nap and I'm sure I'll pay for it later by having to play with him late into the night.

I wonder if he's transitioning from two naps to just one nap a day. After all, he's already 17months old now. I'm really not sure because I've noticed that if he wakes up from his morning nap before 10.30am, he usually has no problems with the afternoon one. His standard is about 4hrs between the naps but somehow, if he wakes up after 10.30am, it could be 6hrs between them and he still doesn't seem to need to rest.

Everything about toddlers is so dynamic. Sleep schedules from one day to the next. His favorite toys from day to day. What he likes to eat. Whether he'll enjoy his bath or not. I'm certainly kept on my toes in this job!

Sleep Laughing

Some time ago, I posted on Aaron and his night terrors. Last night, we saw the opposite. Richard and I were watching Aaron and laughing (quietly) at sleep posture. He still tucks his hands and legs in and sticks his backside in the air the same way he did when he was a few weeks old.


So, while we were laughing, he must have heard us because he lifted his head, opened his eyes and looked at me.

"Oh No! Now I'll have to deal with his crying and have to put him to sleep again"

No, that didn't happened, he actually started laughing. Then he put his head down again and kept chuckling and finally, just had the sweetest smile on his face as he closed his eyes. There were a few more chuckles before he was completely quiet again. It was the strangest thing. Just like the night terrors, I don't think he was really awake even though his eyes were opened.

I wouldn't mind a few more of these cute episodes!

Baby Steps with the Pantley Pull Off

After the awful experience of 'sleep training' a couple of weeks ago, I've gone back to what I've always believed. Only gentle ways to encourage Aaron to learn to sleep on his own. No more fast forwarding the process.

Elizabeth Pantley's book 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' has a huge following and plenty of online forums dedicated to the discussion of it. There really is no crying involved in the various methods that she uses but they all need patience and perseverance. I wish I didn't get impatient and try to merge Pantley and Ferber (he's the father of controlled crying).

I've been using the Pantley Pull Off for several months BUT I was not consistent. I had no patience nor perseverance. The PPO is a strategy of unlatching the baby at progressively earlier times. You start off unlatching when the baby is fully asleep. If the baby wakes, then you just let him/her latch on again (no fuss/crying). 30-60 seconds later, you unlatch. After about 3-5 times, the baby will get the idea and just continue sleeping. So, you keep doing this at every sleep until the baby does not root for the breast when you unlatch. Then you move up the unlatching to when the baby is only half asleep and repeat the same process. After that, its when the baby is drowsy and then finally, no feeding to sleep. Voila! Its supposedly as simple as that but you can see how it takes patience and perseverance.

Well, I'm determined to give this method a proper go. No more cheating. I'm up to the half asleep baby now and I think Aaron's cold is helping out because his stuffy nose is making it hard for him to suck anyway.

Sleep and weight gain

One of the things I enjoy about coming to Brisbane is the news and current affairs programs they have. With Aaron around, I really only get to hear half of whats going on but this snippet caught my ears. Sleeping too little will lower your metabolism and this may lead you to gain weight. Then the reporter said something else that I didn't hear but it was something to the effect of the reduced amount of sleep being as bad as eating two cheeseburgers!

According to the research, adults need 8-8.5 hrs of sleep. It is only after you are 80 yrs old that your need drops to 6 hrs. I guess just like everything else that many people don't seem have time for (reading books, family, cooking proper meals) sleep is also on the list. Most people like sleeping but they are also most likely not getting enough. Do yourself a favour and go to bed early tonight.

The shirt off my back

Here is another one of those tips that I read from the baby sleep books. Although I had tried it before when Aaron was a newborn, it didn't seem to work then. I tried it again this week and for several days now, his morning naps have been 90 mins instead of 45 mins.

After I feed him, I stay there until he falls asleep, then I leave my shirt behind!

For a good nights sleep, sun your baby.

One of the baby sleep books I'm reading recommends exposure to the sun (with protection of course) to help improve a baby's sleep. It is true! It was raining all of last week so there was no going out. This week, we have been to a park every day and he has dropped his night time wake-ups from 4-5 times/night last week to 2-3 times/night these past few nights. Perhaps it is the combination of high carb foods for dinner, sun exposure, and dimming the lights at home 2 hrs prior to bedtime. Whatever it is, I'm sticking with this routine until it breaks. (Which will probably be tonight since I wrote about it here)

Here he is in the park. Discovering grass. How it feels, smells and TASTES.

Not sure what he was trying to do but he was hanging on to my legs from behind and kept playing peek-a-boo. I think he thought it was funny to see me upside down. This is the view from where I was looking.

Sleep without fuss

Look at that! I saw him actually doze off and couldn't believe what I was witnessing.

We went to the library for a toddler sing-a-long session and after that, I gave him a quick feed before we got in the car to drive home. As I was driving...his eyes were just rolling around until .... they closed! They didn't open even when we got home, I took this photo and accidentally slammed the car door. They still didn't open when I picked him up. They stayed closed all the way to his bed and remained closed for another 60 mins or so. AMAZING! This is the very first time!

6 hours

This is a major milestone in my little boy's life:

Last night, he slept for 6 whole hours.....6pm-12am.

I did not do anything different so I have no idea of how to encourage this type of sleep again.

This is great encouragement in the face of people telling you to train your baby to sleep for your own good. They don't believe you when you say you're not tired waking up every 3 hours every night. It is true though...I'm not tired doing that because we co-sleep with Aaron. I just pop him on and snooze while he feeds. He drops off at some point and quite often I don't even realise it.

OK, so its one night of 6 hrs. I don't have high hopes for a repeat performance tonight but I know that he will, in his own time, do it more often.