Webcams....Hmmmmm....Of course, we have one here. But, I think I have webcamophobia. I really don't like them.
Well, I like them for looking at other people but I can't stand having it focused on me. Its been good for chatting with friends and family but I always have the camera pointed at Aaron. I find it too uncomfortable to have it pointed at me and usually avoid it unless Aaron isn't around and I'm talking to somebody else who has their camera pointed at them. It would be rude not to show my face. Sort of like speaking to somebody in person but not looking at them.
If my own screen didn't show the image of myself, maybe I wouldn't have been so averse to using it. Right now, its like looking into a mirror. I don't like looking in mirrors and always end up scrutinising my too big forehead, too small chin, larger than desireable pores, real or imaginary dark circles, crooked teeth, chunky arms maybe and the list goes on. What would the other person think if they saw me like that?! (Yes, I realise they have all seem me and probably don't notice any of that.) (Or maybe they do...)
Anyway, what got me thinking about this is the fact that Richard has not seen me in nearly 8 weeks and he's arriving tomorrow morning! According to the records, I'm only 3kgs heavier but while I might have been the size of a rockmelon the last time he saw me, I'm now a huge watermelon! I have not gotten in front of the camera the entire time and always had it pointed at Aaron if we were talking.
I felt a similar way when we arrived in Brisbane. I was so conscious about my then rockmelon sized bump and what my parents would think. Silly, yes. But it always makes me think that if I didn't have webcamophobia then I wouldn't be left with the last minute thought of "OMG, They're going to see me like this."