Tuesday, December 1, 2009


Webcams....Hmmmmm....Of course, we have one here. But, I think I have webcamophobia. I really don't like them.

Well, I like them for looking at other people but I can't stand having it focused on me. Its been good for chatting with friends and family but I always have the camera pointed at Aaron. I find it too uncomfortable to have it pointed at me and usually avoid it unless Aaron isn't around and I'm talking to somebody else who has their camera pointed at them. It would be rude not to show my face. Sort of like speaking to somebody in person but not looking at them.

If my own screen didn't show the image of myself, maybe I wouldn't have been so averse to using it. Right now, its like looking into a mirror. I don't like looking in mirrors and always end up scrutinising my too big forehead, too small chin, larger than desireable pores, real or imaginary dark circles, crooked teeth, chunky arms maybe and the list goes on. What would the other person think if they saw me like that?! (Yes, I realise they have all seem me and probably don't notice any of that.) (Or maybe they do...)

Anyway, what got me thinking about this is the fact that Richard has not seen me in nearly 8 weeks and he's arriving tomorrow morning! According to the records, I'm only 3kgs heavier but while I might have been the size of a rockmelon the last time he saw me, I'm now a huge watermelon! I have not gotten in front of the camera the entire time and always had it pointed at Aaron if we were talking.

I felt a similar way when we arrived in Brisbane. I was so conscious about my then rockmelon sized bump and what my parents would think. Silly, yes. But it always makes me think that if I didn't have webcamophobia then I wouldn't be left with the last minute thought of "OMG, They're going to see me like this."


Anonymous said...

I am sure your husband will like you no matter how you look

Mike said...

"I'm only 3kgs heavier"

So he says to himself, "Self, why is Amanda picking up weight? Because she moved to AU? Yeah, probably all that beer drinking them Aussies do. What else could it be?"

Scott and Elaine said...

Amanda,... You are such a beautiful woman. It is such a shame that you feel that way about yourself to the point that you are scrutinising the micro things that no one else sees. As for your supposed Watermelon, you should really embrace that. It is such a miracle to be carrying a baby and the 'watermelon' is just the image of that gift. I really didn't mind looking like a watermelon. I think it is just beautiful. And you know what? I am sure Richard just adores the way you look when you are pregnant. Because deep down inside, they probably wish they could share that feeling. And there is nothing more beautiful than a mother carrying a child. So, don't feel so bad about yourself.

You might think you are really heavy, but in fact to me, you look too skinny for an expectant mother. So, if you want to see heavy.. come and see me! LOL. I have chunkier arms etc than you. I have always admired how beautiful you are, so be nice to yourself. YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!

fiona said...

i see the pregnant form the most beautiful of mankind. and i assure you look great even before pregnancy. i can understand about being webcam shy. i have the face (pin up hair+oily face) that's appropriate only for family. hehe..

Bilbo said...

Read what Scott and Elaine said, and put dittoes under it for me. Now, if you want someone who should never sit in front of a webcam, it's me. I tried to do a "Hi, I'm Bilbo" message to put on my blog page, but decided I looked hideous. You, on the other hand, are beautiful. And I can't get pregnant to have an excuse for my perceived lack of movie-star quality looks...