Tuesday, September 14, 2010

What do abusive relationships and I have in common?

We were on a bus yesterday and I noticed this advertisement. I can't remember all the details but it was something like this :

Are you in an abusive relationship?

* Does he tell you what you wear?
* Does he monitor your phone calls?
* Does he tell you who you can meet and where you can go?
* Does he control what you can spend on?


I know the advertisement is addressing a very serious issue and there are people out there who need help. But, I had to laugh at it. I don't think a day passes that I don't do at least one of those things to Richard. Yet I certainly don't think that I have been abusing him.

Take his clothes for example. Just last week, I begged him not to wear a beige colored older-man style jacket out. He didn't listen then but when we went to church on Sunday and he saw a man in his 80s wearing something similar, he came home and put his jacket away. And, he thanked me.

And his phone calls? I'm always asking "Who was that? What did he want?". If somebody calls three times in one morning then I'll surely ask why. Its just curiosity, right?

Who we see and where we go? We rarely go out individually and usually go everywhere as a family. Family as in the both of us and the two needy dependents. So of course I need to know what kind of people we're meeting and what sort of place we're going to. I admit, I do feel a bit stung if Richard says he wants to go somewhere that he knows we won't be able to take the kids to. Thats because it means that I have to stay home to look after them.

Ah, spending. Well, we've been married 10 years. Richard insists that I be the financial controller. I'm not kidding! He has an ulterior motive to this though. If I'm the controller, then he always has a reason not to spend too much money on me. Yeah, its to save me from extravagant gifts. So, since I'm the controller, I have the right to tell him that he doesn't need a new $800 mountain bike.

I'm sure the line between an abusive relationship and a marriage is not a fine one but those same questions seem so normal my daily life.

OMG! A new thought just entered my mind. I have become a NAGGING WIFE! I'm only thirty four EEK! Better cut back...


NomadicExpat said...

Don't become controlling. That's the root to being in any abusive or dysfunctional relationship I think. Like I know, riiiiigggghhhttt...? :-P

Bilbo said...

Great post, Amanda! You should compare notes with Agnes...

Mike said...

Abusive? Does that mean you have leather outfits? We want pictures!!!