Thursday, March 20, 2008

Thursday Thirteen #4

13 Phrases I don't like saying (and hearing)

This is a list of phrases that I try not to say. They've come about because I feel that what we say has a subconscious effect on how we behave. Some of these are also derived from me not liking to hear these things said to me.

1) "I don't know..."
Sometimes, this phrase gives me the impression that the person can't be bothered to have the conversation. OR, it give me a lazy impression. Everybody (almost) has access to the internet and you can find out almost anything. Its just a matter of how deeply you know the topic.

2) "I don't care..."

Its just lame to have this sort of attitude.

3) "You're lucky..."
This one always makes me feel as if the work I put in had counted for nothing and that whatever I'm enjoying now is purely because I had luck. I don't like the way it makes me feel and I try not to put other people's good fortune down to their luck.

4) "If only..."
There is no point dwelling on something that can't be changed.

5) "I'm bored..."
I always think that if you feel bored, its most probably because you are a boring person in the first place.

6) "I'll let you decide."
This one can get so irritating whenever there is a decision to be made regarding things like where to eat. But, sometimes, I feel I have to say this out of a genuine respect or deference to the other person.

7) "I want..."
Just the opposite to #6. Some people are so demanding and leave no room for compromise. This too can be irritating.

8) "You should..."
I really dislike this one when it has to do with people telling me how I should raise Aaron, especially when it comes to our breastfeeding.

9) "Its too hard, I can't..."
By saying this, I'm likely to give up before I even try.

10) "What are we having for dinner?"
Now I know how my mother feels. We used to ask her this every evening and now, its getting thrown back at me. My solution is to make up a meal time table and just point to it whenever I get the question.

11) "Are we there yet?" or "How much longer?"
I don't think I said this much when I was a child. I knew how much it annoyed my parents. Yet, these days, I find that I simply must know how much further there is to go so that I can set my expectation regarding the sitting time in the car.

12) "Do I look fat in this?"
OK. I really don't like saying this but I have to admit that I say it all the time. I can't help it. I really need to know sometimes.

13) Name Dropping
So, I don't have a 13th one but I do dislike the use of name or title dropping during a conversation. I know that I make it a point never to do this.


Bilbo said...

"Do I look fat in this?" is the question husbands hate more than almost any other, because there's no right answer...if you say "yes," the lady hates you because you think she looks fat. If you say "no" she hates you because she thinks you really mean "yes," but don't want to hurt her feelings. The only way a man can win this one is by using his hat: grasp it firmly in one hand, and then run.

MorganLighter said...

Amanda - Very nice post.
Every phrase has a negative bent. Years ago I picked up a book by Shad Helmstetter (he's authored quite a few) and it dealt with 'rewriting your personal hard drive' - meaning your brain - called "The Self Talk Solution". The premise is that you should never use negative words, such as no, don't, can't, won't, shouldn't, couldn't, if only - you get the point - when you talk to others or yourself.
Instead of saying 'you should' you can turn it around and say 'what if you tried it this way' or 'here's something I read that really sounds great, what do you think', etc.
So, there you have it.
Take care.

MamaGeek said...

You hit the nail on the head. Name droppers make me twitch. And it says so much about them, and THEIR insecurities? :)

NomadicExpat said...

Should I add another one, "I'm fat..." to your list coz you keep hearing this from me! :-D

I do say that I dont really care anymore when it is a situation that is beyond my control, and knowing that regardless how hard I try to change the situation, I just can't. So, I might as well adopt the "I dont care" attitude so that I can be a happier person.

"I'll let you decide"... hahaha. I just said this to my friend earlier coz I dont really care (see, I just used that phrase!) what I was going to eat. Sometimes, it's just easier when someone makes the decision especially after a long day at work.

I've started using, "you might want to consider" instead of "you should" at work.

I do say, "Are we there yet?" when I cant figure out how much longer I've to sit in the car, and also, just to get a reaction. haha. I'm bad.

As for "I'm bored", well, you've heard me say this at work... but the difference is that I do take the initiative to change things. What erks me is that people complain about how bored they are and dont do anything with the situation they are in.

The Idea Dude said...

Hi Amanda,

It's a great list, I think I need to tattoo this to my arm. :)

It's easy to be negative instead of taking the high road.

Thanks for the reminder.