Waiting in line at the supermarket is usually a mundane situation. If I don't have to keep either Aaron or Adrian in line, I'm usually looking at what the person in front of me has picked up. I don't think I'm judging the person in any way, I'm just looking at them and looking at what their diet appears to be like based on what I can see in their trolley. Sometimes I see an early twenties person and they have packets of chips and Coke. I think "Yummy! I wish I was young and oblivious enough to shop that way."
Well, today was a bit of a special day in the supermarket line. It wasn't so much what I saw but what I heard.
There was a lady and her two daughters behind me. The mother was going on about how she had to rush back to get ready the guest bedrooms. It sounded ordinary enough but then she said "Oh, don't forget to wash the guest toothbrushes. Have to make sure they're clean and dry before I put them out."
WHAT??!?!? EEW!
First of all, don't people usually bring their own tooth brushes?
Secondly, if somebody did forget, wouldn't you offer them a new and packaged one?
And thirdly, it sounds like this is a normal practice with the lady. Just like how hotels offer you a toothbrush, she offers her guests one. A used one.
That lady and her hospitality has been popping in and out of my thoughts since going shopping this morning. This isn't a normal practice right? People don't provide house guests with toothbrushes do they?
Maybe I misheard what the lady was saying....but I don't think so...
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Is She Really Your Mother?
My regular readers may remember me mentioning how straightforward the people of Palembang are. Well, my mother have met quite a few straightforward people over here in Malaysia too.
A family joke we have from when I was a child is that I was picked up from the rubbish bin. (No, this hasn't had any adverse effects on me.) I don't look very much like my parents at all. In fact, many people question if I am even the same race as them. I really don't mind this at all and have had lots of fun with it over the years. (Except for one Ramadan month in primary school when I was questioned for not fasting.)
Over the past week, my mother and I have been asked multiple times if we were related. Here are a couple of examples of what happens.
The first instance was at a hawker center. The lady who delivered our food looked at me and asked if I was my mother's daughter-in-law. When my mother said that I was her daughter, that lady actually spent a few minutes insisting that I couldn't possibly be because I didn't look anything like my mom.
Next was a shop assistant in a bookstore. After spending nearly 15 minutes helping us track down a book, the guy looks at us and says "How are you two related?" Once again, he's not satisfied with the answer and acts like we're pulling his leg.
So you see, people here in Malaysia are just as straightforward as those in Palembang. How could I have forgotten?
Anyway, the conversation that takes the cake for this sort of assumption and straight talk actually happened a few years ago.
My mother and her mother happened to drop me off at a cosmetics counter. I had purchased some product and the lady was giving me a free facial. So, as she worked on exfoliating and cleansing my face, she jumped straight into some sort of soliloquy of how it is a blessing to be adopted. I distinctly remember her telling me that it is because my mother loved me that she wanted to adopt me. She assured me that I shouldn't feel bad about this and told me that I should even appreciate them more.
Er....just because I purchased something from you doesn't make you my new BFF!
I know the lady only meant well and I wasn't offended at all. Just highly amused. She talked non stop so I didn't have a chance to correct her. At least she can feel that she perhaps did some sort of a good deed that day.
A family joke we have from when I was a child is that I was picked up from the rubbish bin. (No, this hasn't had any adverse effects on me.) I don't look very much like my parents at all. In fact, many people question if I am even the same race as them. I really don't mind this at all and have had lots of fun with it over the years. (Except for one Ramadan month in primary school when I was questioned for not fasting.)
Over the past week, my mother and I have been asked multiple times if we were related. Here are a couple of examples of what happens.
The first instance was at a hawker center. The lady who delivered our food looked at me and asked if I was my mother's daughter-in-law. When my mother said that I was her daughter, that lady actually spent a few minutes insisting that I couldn't possibly be because I didn't look anything like my mom.
Next was a shop assistant in a bookstore. After spending nearly 15 minutes helping us track down a book, the guy looks at us and says "How are you two related?" Once again, he's not satisfied with the answer and acts like we're pulling his leg.
So you see, people here in Malaysia are just as straightforward as those in Palembang. How could I have forgotten?
Anyway, the conversation that takes the cake for this sort of assumption and straight talk actually happened a few years ago.
My mother and her mother happened to drop me off at a cosmetics counter. I had purchased some product and the lady was giving me a free facial. So, as she worked on exfoliating and cleansing my face, she jumped straight into some sort of soliloquy of how it is a blessing to be adopted. I distinctly remember her telling me that it is because my mother loved me that she wanted to adopt me. She assured me that I shouldn't feel bad about this and told me that I should even appreciate them more.
Er....just because I purchased something from you doesn't make you my new BFF!
I know the lady only meant well and I wasn't offended at all. Just highly amused. She talked non stop so I didn't have a chance to correct her. At least she can feel that she perhaps did some sort of a good deed that day.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
There are no winners
We finally got to the bottom of things last night and all the lies are out now. We thought we would be satisfied when we finally found out the truth but in the end, its lose-lose all around.
What did the truth bring us all? Disappointment for Richard and I. Shame for Aini. I think she genuinely felt very ashamed and very sorry. We were in no way harsh with her and simply said that she had to stop with all the lies. After all, we had no complaints about her work itself and none of the lies were to do with her work. It all had to do with a teenage crush and what it drives irrational teenagers to do.
Here's the irony: She risked her job to be able to hang out with this guy, while the guy (who was interviewing for a job with Richard yesterday) exposed all her lies in the hope of securing a job for himself.
I really treated her as a friend and enjoyed her company. A part of me wishes that I left the issue alone and just be more aware of potential lies in the future. But then, thats what I have always done in the past and it has always proven to just get worse when overlooked. I'm the sort of person that will forget a situation like this as soon as its 'aired', but, she couldn't be convinced to stay on.
There is no joy and definitely no satisfaction in finding out the truth here.
What did the truth bring us all? Disappointment for Richard and I. Shame for Aini. I think she genuinely felt very ashamed and very sorry. We were in no way harsh with her and simply said that she had to stop with all the lies. After all, we had no complaints about her work itself and none of the lies were to do with her work. It all had to do with a teenage crush and what it drives irrational teenagers to do.
Here's the irony: She risked her job to be able to hang out with this guy, while the guy (who was interviewing for a job with Richard yesterday) exposed all her lies in the hope of securing a job for himself.
I really treated her as a friend and enjoyed her company. A part of me wishes that I left the issue alone and just be more aware of potential lies in the future. But then, thats what I have always done in the past and it has always proven to just get worse when overlooked. I'm the sort of person that will forget a situation like this as soon as its 'aired', but, she couldn't be convinced to stay on.
There is no joy and definitely no satisfaction in finding out the truth here.
Monday, June 30, 2008
You know you've been watching too much CSI when....
... you tell your husband not to 'contaminate the crime scene'.
... you leave the lights turned off and use a torch to look for evidence.
... you re-enact the supposed crime.
... you question a person from different angles and at surprising times.
... when you tell your husband to be the 'bad cop' while you're the 'good cop'.
... you try to see if a person's pupils are dilated or not, if they have their arms in a closed position, if they're scratching, if their pausing too long, if they're breathing too hard, if they're repeating your questions back to you, and the list goes on....
All this may mean that I just really need to get a life. Or its what happens when you no longer trust somebody.
Things have escalated since my 'Benefit of the doubt' post and now there are allegations of voyeurism and lots of he says/she says. Lots of drama. Tears. Accusations. Denials. A fake cousin who is really a boyfriend. Its like my very own live soap opera.
I hope we can sort it all out tonight.
... you leave the lights turned off and use a torch to look for evidence.
... you re-enact the supposed crime.
... you question a person from different angles and at surprising times.
... when you tell your husband to be the 'bad cop' while you're the 'good cop'.
... you try to see if a person's pupils are dilated or not, if they have their arms in a closed position, if they're scratching, if their pausing too long, if they're breathing too hard, if they're repeating your questions back to you, and the list goes on....
All this may mean that I just really need to get a life. Or its what happens when you no longer trust somebody.
Things have escalated since my 'Benefit of the doubt' post and now there are allegations of voyeurism and lots of he says/she says. Lots of drama. Tears. Accusations. Denials. A fake cousin who is really a boyfriend. Its like my very own live soap opera.
I hope we can sort it all out tonight.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Benefit of the Doubt
I am a really big 'Benefit of the Doubt' giver. Its what comes most naturally to me. Sometimes I have suspicions but just forget them. I guess thats what it means to give the benefit of the doubt.
I learnt from the last girl who worked with us that giving too much of this will just cause people to draw on it more. They even get slack with their deceit and blatant in their lies. I suppose they start to think I'm stupid. And this is when a person like me starts withholding the benefit of the doubt.
Its stupid to stupidly give the benefit of the doubt all the time. I feel bad for trying to trap people but some people just will not admit to it if you don't catch them in the act. I'd rather just have it out in the open and address whatever the issue is. Most of the time, I know that people lie because they feel they have no other choice.
In case you're wondering, the trigger for all my thoughts today is Aini. She's the girl that started to work for us about 2 months ago. The same one that we have encouraged and given time off for completing school. Everything has been good but in the past week, she has found some excuse or other to not work on 3 days. There have been several other odd occurrences in previous weeks too. From past experience, I know we need to address this now or the behavior will just continue because she'll start to think we're easy (or stupid!).
I learnt from the last girl who worked with us that giving too much of this will just cause people to draw on it more. They even get slack with their deceit and blatant in their lies. I suppose they start to think I'm stupid. And this is when a person like me starts withholding the benefit of the doubt.
Its stupid to stupidly give the benefit of the doubt all the time. I feel bad for trying to trap people but some people just will not admit to it if you don't catch them in the act. I'd rather just have it out in the open and address whatever the issue is. Most of the time, I know that people lie because they feel they have no other choice.
In case you're wondering, the trigger for all my thoughts today is Aini. She's the girl that started to work for us about 2 months ago. The same one that we have encouraged and given time off for completing school. Everything has been good but in the past week, she has found some excuse or other to not work on 3 days. There have been several other odd occurrences in previous weeks too. From past experience, I know we need to address this now or the behavior will just continue because she'll start to think we're easy (or stupid!).
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Korean guests for lunch
Richard must have read my Thursday Thirteen post about inviting people over for lunch. He invited a Korean family from our neighborhood over today. They have a four year old daughter and one year old son so it was a meeting to help us ALL make some new friends.
We don't speak Korean and they don't speak English so we all (including the little ones) conversed in Indonesian. They have been in Indonesia five years and were far better than us at the language but we still managed to have a great time talking about what its like living here. They were easy going and straight forward. The interesting thing I noted about them was the fact that they have no plans at all of returning to Korea. Its only the first time that we've had any extended conversation with them so I didn't want to ask too many personal questions but I'm so curious to know why they plan to live in Indonesia forever. We also found out that there are about five of six other Korean families in our neighborhood. I know there are probably a similar number of Malaysian houses here but no families. All the Malaysian men are here alone because their families aren't willing to make the move.
These days I feel that meeting new people is like going for an interview. So much so that I find myself hoping that we made a suitably pleasant impression that they would like to spend more time with us in the future. The wife leads a similar lifestyle to me (i.e. at home with the kids 7 days a week) so maybe I can arrange more play dates in the future.
So, what do you think the Malaysians served their Korean guests for lunch in Indonesia?
I had thought of Laksa Lemak but chickened out in the end because I've only made it once before with my mother's help. I fell back on something I knew I wouldn't screw up: Spaghetti with a homemade tomato sauce and a capsicum and cucumber salad to cool us in this hot weather.
We don't speak Korean and they don't speak English so we all (including the little ones) conversed in Indonesian. They have been in Indonesia five years and were far better than us at the language but we still managed to have a great time talking about what its like living here. They were easy going and straight forward. The interesting thing I noted about them was the fact that they have no plans at all of returning to Korea. Its only the first time that we've had any extended conversation with them so I didn't want to ask too many personal questions but I'm so curious to know why they plan to live in Indonesia forever. We also found out that there are about five of six other Korean families in our neighborhood. I know there are probably a similar number of Malaysian houses here but no families. All the Malaysian men are here alone because their families aren't willing to make the move.
These days I feel that meeting new people is like going for an interview. So much so that I find myself hoping that we made a suitably pleasant impression that they would like to spend more time with us in the future. The wife leads a similar lifestyle to me (i.e. at home with the kids 7 days a week) so maybe I can arrange more play dates in the future.
So, what do you think the Malaysians served their Korean guests for lunch in Indonesia?
I had thought of Laksa Lemak but chickened out in the end because I've only made it once before with my mother's help. I fell back on something I knew I wouldn't screw up: Spaghetti with a homemade tomato sauce and a capsicum and cucumber salad to cool us in this hot weather.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
How honest do we really need to be?
I think we all value honesty. Most of us try to be honest and give honest opinions. Of course, there are those out there who just habitually lie and we all eventually don't trust them anymore. And what about those people that just say what we want to hear? They are liars too. Yet we all do I it sometimes. I know I do. Things like confirming to my white haired grandmother that she didn't draw in her eyebrows too dark. I just don't want to burst her bubble because I know she put effort into how she looked. If it gives her some sort of confidence, then who am I to bring her down? So I'm fine with lying to my grandmother.
My problem is trying to find some way to be honest with our new driver. I'm telling you, I nearly passed out in the car yesterday. This is not a joke. I held my breath for so long that I was very nearly unconscious. In the end, I just had to take short, shallow breaths. Like the type a fish takes when its out of water.
And why did I need to do all this? Because the driver was driving with one arm resting against the side of the door. Y'know, putting his elbows up to just where the windows starts. That means the side air conditioning vents shoot right through the armholes of his shirts and straight to his armpits. That jet of air just propelled the smell straight to the backseat where I was with Aaron.
I know some people have problems with body odour and that its often because of bacteria instead of uncleanliness. Well, perhaps lack of hygiene in the very first place caused the bacteria to be there but how can I tell him? Richard says we should just buy him some deodorant or some perfume. But wouldn't that just embarrass the guy and make him self conscious around us? I know he still feels new and is trying to make a good impression so this would be terrible for him.
This is an instance where honesty would really be the best policy for everyone but how do you do this without making him feel bad?
My problem is trying to find some way to be honest with our new driver. I'm telling you, I nearly passed out in the car yesterday. This is not a joke. I held my breath for so long that I was very nearly unconscious. In the end, I just had to take short, shallow breaths. Like the type a fish takes when its out of water.
And why did I need to do all this? Because the driver was driving with one arm resting against the side of the door. Y'know, putting his elbows up to just where the windows starts. That means the side air conditioning vents shoot right through the armholes of his shirts and straight to his armpits. That jet of air just propelled the smell straight to the backseat where I was with Aaron.
I know some people have problems with body odour and that its often because of bacteria instead of uncleanliness. Well, perhaps lack of hygiene in the very first place caused the bacteria to be there but how can I tell him? Richard says we should just buy him some deodorant or some perfume. But wouldn't that just embarrass the guy and make him self conscious around us? I know he still feels new and is trying to make a good impression so this would be terrible for him.
This is an instance where honesty would really be the best policy for everyone but how do you do this without making him feel bad?
Thursday, May 31, 2007
How do you date???
I don't know whether to feel happy or old school about this statement:
"I met my husband 9 years ago and we'll be married 7 years this coming July. We met at work."
Well, I guess I'm happy because....we're happy.
Its the old school side to it that has me thinking today. I've been out of the dating scene for ages now and most of my friends are already married so obviously, I'm quite out of touch with how things work.
I do have a couple of single friends and from what they say, it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to be. Its all online, just like most things in life. You can even Find Romance with Yahoo Personals
No more asking your best friend to check if he's looking. Or, 'accidentally' meeting in a corridor for some boring conversation. I know, I know, people are all too busy with work and need to make dating more efficient.
They get straight to the point nowadays. Go online, read the profile, start the communication, if things seem promising, go meet up in person with a whole heap of expectations. Yes, I'm generalising things but....this is a lite 'n' easy blog...no heavy stuff.
Anyway, with so much expectations on both sides, I imagine that it must be hard to know when somebody is the right one. There is no time to build up the rapport and everything is based on instant chemistry and so called 'sparks'. You might get rid of the perfect person without really getting to know them. OR you might not even meet them because they couldn't write a winning profile.
PLUS, what about all those jerks out there who aren't really looking for a relationship and aren't honest about it? At least when its face to face, you can sense these things.
Anyways, all this is just speculation on my part. I've never tried online dating (and hope I won't have to) but I really feel for the people who are out there and online.
"I met my husband 9 years ago and we'll be married 7 years this coming July. We met at work."
Well, I guess I'm happy because....we're happy.
Its the old school side to it that has me thinking today. I've been out of the dating scene for ages now and most of my friends are already married so obviously, I'm quite out of touch with how things work.
I do have a couple of single friends and from what they say, it doesn't sound like as much fun as it used to be. Its all online, just like most things in life. You can even Find Romance with Yahoo Personals
They get straight to the point nowadays. Go online, read the profile, start the communication, if things seem promising, go meet up in person with a whole heap of expectations. Yes, I'm generalising things but....this is a lite 'n' easy blog...no heavy stuff.
Anyway, with so much expectations on both sides, I imagine that it must be hard to know when somebody is the right one. There is no time to build up the rapport and everything is based on instant chemistry and so called 'sparks'. You might get rid of the perfect person without really getting to know them. OR you might not even meet them because they couldn't write a winning profile.
PLUS, what about all those jerks out there who aren't really looking for a relationship and aren't honest about it? At least when its face to face, you can sense these things.
Anyways, all this is just speculation on my part. I've never tried online dating (and hope I won't have to) but I really feel for the people who are out there and online.
Friday, May 25, 2007
Fried Squid
I guess fried squid can also be thought of as calamari rings. YUM! But thats not the issue today. Fried Squid translated into Cantonese is Chow Yow Yue. To be sacked! Fired! Become Unemployed! Experience loss of income!
So anyway, today I've been wondering whether it is justified to fry an employee's squid if I don't like their attitude. Bad attitude certainly is not good for the work environment but what if this is their natural personality. Then what? Wouldn't it be unfair to them if their natural disposition was to be sour all the time, with no proper manners or ettiquette? Perhaps they weren't taught these things? Maybe the poor village they come from didn't put any value on this. Yet how can it be? Even poor people are taught to greet others, to have respect for people and place.
Bad attitude transcends everything. Interaction with surrounding people. Quality of work.
If you haven't guessed....I'm seriously considering getting my fry pan out. To be fair, I have given the person a talking to. In my mind she is on probabation for the next week. Yet, even the 'talking to' was ineffective because she did not stop what she was doing and half the time did not even respond. That alone pissed me off enough to cut short the talk. Its to her own detriment since now she won't know the extent that she has pushed me to. Why should I feel guilty about it? This is a home environment, not a publicly listed company. I don't need to give 3 warning letters and go through a peer review before I start frying!
So anyway, today I've been wondering whether it is justified to fry an employee's squid if I don't like their attitude. Bad attitude certainly is not good for the work environment but what if this is their natural personality. Then what? Wouldn't it be unfair to them if their natural disposition was to be sour all the time, with no proper manners or ettiquette? Perhaps they weren't taught these things? Maybe the poor village they come from didn't put any value on this. Yet how can it be? Even poor people are taught to greet others, to have respect for people and place.
Bad attitude transcends everything. Interaction with surrounding people. Quality of work.
If you haven't guessed....I'm seriously considering getting my fry pan out. To be fair, I have given the person a talking to. In my mind she is on probabation for the next week. Yet, even the 'talking to' was ineffective because she did not stop what she was doing and half the time did not even respond. That alone pissed me off enough to cut short the talk. Its to her own detriment since now she won't know the extent that she has pushed me to. Why should I feel guilty about it? This is a home environment, not a publicly listed company. I don't need to give 3 warning letters and go through a peer review before I start frying!
Monday, May 21, 2007
A Chinaman Company
1) Interviews you for an overseas posting but assigns you to work locally when you accept the job.
2) Informs you after you have settled into that job that they will post you overseas after all.
3) Convinces you to take the overseas posting by telling you that it comes with
- 4 round trip tickets for you and your family home a year
- 8 days off during each trip....not including your 14 days of annual leave
Then, changes it to
- trips for you but not your family. Although when you try to go on a trip, be prepared to come up with a good explanation. Like your mother died and your father cut of his nose!
- and those 8 days....you can build those up by working 7 days a week. So, in a quarter...thats 13 weeks....you would have made up 13 days but 5 of those are 'freebies' for the chinaman and you can keep the 8.
4) You can of course not work those 7 days a week but watch out for these words of wisdom:
- my wife also complains that we don't spend enough time together....I just drag her and the kids along to the office and put them in the meeting room.
- sure...i have a 10 yr old son who needs me now that he's growing up. but i don't have time for him. yours is just a baby, he won't know the differece.
- don't be so calculating with the company. it will reward you in the end. just work hard, you'll see. stop going home at 5 everyday ok!
5) Has official working hours of 8am-4pm. But thats just on the contract. Its just a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything.
6) Provides an equal opportunity work place for all engineers.....if you are MALE. If you were FEMALE, you would have been screened out when your resume was sent in. There's the pile for MALE applicants and over there, beside the desk, in the TRASH are the female applicants. Its because they'll get married and have babies so....lets spare them the separation anxiety.
The list goes on and on....but I'm a little too riled up to get my thoughts in order. I've always referred to these companies as 'Chinaman Companies' .. but what are they really called. I have no idea.
2) Informs you after you have settled into that job that they will post you overseas after all.
3) Convinces you to take the overseas posting by telling you that it comes with
- 4 round trip tickets for you and your family home a year
- 8 days off during each trip....not including your 14 days of annual leave
Then, changes it to
- trips for you but not your family. Although when you try to go on a trip, be prepared to come up with a good explanation. Like your mother died and your father cut of his nose!
- and those 8 days....you can build those up by working 7 days a week. So, in a quarter...thats 13 weeks....you would have made up 13 days but 5 of those are 'freebies' for the chinaman and you can keep the 8.
4) You can of course not work those 7 days a week but watch out for these words of wisdom:
- my wife also complains that we don't spend enough time together....I just drag her and the kids along to the office and put them in the meeting room.
- sure...i have a 10 yr old son who needs me now that he's growing up. but i don't have time for him. yours is just a baby, he won't know the differece.
- don't be so calculating with the company. it will reward you in the end. just work hard, you'll see. stop going home at 5 everyday ok!
5) Has official working hours of 8am-4pm. But thats just on the contract. Its just a piece of paper that doesn't mean anything.
6) Provides an equal opportunity work place for all engineers.....if you are MALE. If you were FEMALE, you would have been screened out when your resume was sent in. There's the pile for MALE applicants and over there, beside the desk, in the TRASH are the female applicants. Its because they'll get married and have babies so....lets spare them the separation anxiety.
The list goes on and on....but I'm a little too riled up to get my thoughts in order. I've always referred to these companies as 'Chinaman Companies' .. but what are they really called. I have no idea.
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