I've been flip flopping between 'contented' and 'boring'. More specifically, I've been trying to figure out if I've reached some sort of higher level of contentment or I've sunk all the way down to being plain boring! Maybe I've become a combination of both and oscillate between the two. The only thing I know for certain is that I got this way from becoming a mother to two.
So, seeing that I like being a mother I've been trying to convince myself that its contentment that I feel. And its because I'm so contented that I:
1. Don't feel that I need to go out with my friends (not that I have that many).
2. Don't yearn to go for a night out on the town.
3. Glance through the news headlines each day, have some sort of reaction to them mentally but never feel like debating any of them. I seem to spend all my brain power thinking of how to have more fun with Aaron and Adrian.
The list goes on with plenty more along similar lines. It almost seems like I'm not interested in having a life. However, I think my confusion over being contented and boring is influenced by the general view of what 'having a life' means. For a single person or even a couple without children, having a life very often means an active social life - satisfaction and enjoyment derived from interactions outside the family unit. By definition, being a stay at home mom means that you're in the home and interacting within the family unit. Its true that after awhile, time limitations mean that ninety percent of the time, it becomes the only type of interaction I have. Therefore, no outside social life, and by the general definition 'no life'.
But, is it really that bad to make your family, your life. Of course, they test me every single day but I love watching them play, and playing with them, and thinking up new things that we can do together. I like watching them sleep and watching them wake up looking groggy but fresh. Spending a carefree day out with Richard and the boys always leaves me feeling grateful for the life I have. We have only a few precious years when Aaron and Adrian are completely innocent and I just want to be a part of every second of it.
So, why do I need to convince myself that it is contentment I feel? Maybe its because the word 'contentment' is sometimes associated with 'complacent'. Well, whatever the reason, I think I should be thankful that I don't hate my life and I don't feel envy for the lives that other people have. There are always things that we can do to improve our lives and the lives of those around us so I think its more important to focus on that than to wonder (and hope) that I haven't become a boring old housewife!