If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again

I don't look for poems to read but every now and then, I come across one that really speaks to me.

This poem by Diana Loomans was in the second chapter of the book "The no-cry discipline solution" by Elizabeth Pantley.

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again
by Diana Loomans

If I had my child to raise all over again,
I'd finger paint more, and point the finger less.
I'd do less correcting, and more connecting.
I'd take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.
I would care to know less, and know to care more.
I'd take more hikes and fly more kites.
I'd stop playing serious, and seriously play.
I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.
I'd do more hugging, and less tugging.
I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.
I'd build self-esteem first, and the house later.
I'd teach less about the love of power,
And more about the power of love.

I don't need a grown child to realize that I want to enjoy and absorb every second of Aaron's and Adrian's childhood. Just thinking of Aaron turning five in a few short days is enough for me to miss his early years.

At the same time, I can't leave it up to Adrian to smack himself and need to get better at my disciplining skills.

No Need For Me To Smack

Adrian is at that stage where he is really experimenting, exploring and really testing his boundaries. Let me rephrase that, he's pushing his boundaries, with an invisible bulldozer.

Seriously, I don't remember it being this hard to establish boundaries. Maybe it was and I've just forgotten the numerous times I had to yell out "Stop", "Looking Only" and "Out!". Am I supposed to look as this as fun and enjoy it because it will be over and forgotten soon enough?

With Aaron, I did try smacking but I did not find it effective. Yes, it may stop the undesirable behavior in a toddler instantly but it also teaches them to smack back. That was enough reason for me not to smack. I found other ways and Aaron and I both survived his toddler years.

Now with Adrian, I did not intend to do any smacking because in my mind, it doesn't work. BUT, I have. And guess what? Its sort of working in a really funny way.

Whenever he does something he knows he shouldn't be doing, he looks to see where I am. When he thinks its 'safe', he does it. As soon as he sees that I've seen him, he stops it and quickly starts to smacking his own hands. I get to say "It wasn't me!"

So, at least I can safely assume that he knows what he should and shouldn't be doing. All I need to figure out is how to get him to stop doing it when he thinks I'm not looking (or when I'm really not looking).

To conclude, I still do not believe in smacking as a form of discipline but I do admit that it seems to have communicated a lasting message.

Its A No Brainer - Wash Your Hands

Aaron and Adrian constantly have their fingers (and sometimes their toes) in their mouths. It really makes me so angry because life is horrible for them and, more importantly, for me, when they get sick.

Trying to keep them healthy has made me more conscious of germs that I come in contact with as well. Door handles, elevator buttons, money, ATM machine, the equipment in the gym - EVERYTHING! Supposedly, the steering wheel is another extremely germy place because we touch all those other areas and then wipe the germs onto the wheel as we drive.

I've often wondered how long bacteria can live on surfaces but never took the time to try to find the answer, until now.

According to this website, the safest surface you can touch, if you had to touch one outside, is a hard, non-porous one like a countertop or glass surface. And if that hard surface happens to be in the sun, you're even safer because the ultra violet rays would have killed off any bacteria almost instantly. Hey...so maybe the steering wheel isn't so bad after all.

And as for how long they live on surfaces. Well, if its a wet/damp surface, like a kitchen sponge, then it could stay alive for days. Money is another horrible surface. Coins may be hard and non-porous but the notes can house bacteria for weeks! And of course, since they get touched by so many hands, they are perpetual bacteria colonies. Think about that the next time you pay for a snack and then immediately start eating it without washing your hands first. YUCK!

Well, enough of all that. Go wash your hands and don't touch your face. Imagine the germs on your keyboard and mouse.

My New Helper

I may live in a house full of boys but I'm making sure that they're getting trained right. Richard makes my breakfast of course, gets me a hot drink on these cold winter nights, cleans up after dinner every night and lots of other things. I've been working on him for nearly 11 years now. Aaron is getting good at little jobs like getting me nappies and wet wipes in an emergency, occasionally bringing in the laundry and lately, helping me cut up the vegetables for dinner. So now, its time to start training Adrian.

*sigh* We've had a few hiccups in the training today. I have to remind myself to never turn my back on him, not even for one second.

Each morning, Adrian helps me with watering the plants. He's getting better at it but doesn't understand that its the roots that need the water. This isn't a new job for him but today, when I bent down to do a little weeding, he decided to drink out of the hose. Neither one of us thought that was very funny.

In the afternoons, Aaron and Adrian take a little plastic table and two plastic chairs out to the deck and have afternoon tea there. Aaron has been the one helping to put everything back in its place when they're done. I tried to get Adrian to help today by bringing in the two plates they used. Its a simple task that he already does when he's inside the house. So, I waited by the sink for him but he didn't come. He was outside playing with his little trains while the two plates appeared to have been thrown out, maybe frisbee style, onto the grass.

And finally, shower time. Without being asked Adrian volunteered to help Aaron take his PJs into the bathroom. Initiative! Sort of. He took them into the bathroom but by the time I go there, he was dipping them in and out of the toilet. What gave him that idea? Toilet paper I can understand but PJs??

He's cute, cheeky and makes me laugh but this little helper is making a lot of extra work.

Its Adrian's Time Now

I can't believe its Friday already. With Aaron full days at kindergarten and Richard at work everyday, it was the first week in a long time that I spent most of my time alone with Adrian. I've been looking forward to this and it did not disappoint. Obviously he's full of energy but he's also ready and willing to learn anything new - better go look back at what I was doing with Aaron at this stage. The only think I don't need a reminder of is all things Thomas.

And, it looks like we're starting the whole Thomas & Friends phase again. Adrian probably has it better than Aaron did since there is a small collection of Thomas trains readily available for him to play with.

Its good for me too and this time around, I am an expert at train play and I know all the stories that go along with it.

Adrian hasn't been watching much of the Thomas DVDs yet so he's got things a bit mixed up at the moment. No matter what I tell him, he insists on putting the engine behind all the carriages and pushing the train along.



He'll figure it out soon enough. I'm guessing that we'll have another two years of train play.

Something else that he has started doing this week is "going off the beaten track". Literally. We have quite a long walk from the car park to Aaron's classroom twice a day. And now, its even longer because Adrian has made it into his daily hike across the bulging tree roots, the rocks, the fallen leaves and bark and a couple of zig-zag benches. Its back breaking work for me going after him because he doesn't realize what he can or can't do and just does everything. He tried to slide down the fireman's pole in the playground today. AAH!

Anyway, its all good and its all fun. I'm looking forward to an action packed weekend at some parks. Yes, more back breaking work but its all worth it.

Day 1 of Exercise Habit Forming

Richard started his new job on Monday and I've been adjusting to life as a full time stay at home mother again. So far so good. I'm enjoying the one on one time that I get with Adrian now even more than I did before. The only downside is that I had forgotten how exhausting it is. Trying to keep things upbeat, keep everybody satisfied and being efficient/productive is hard work when you do it alone from 7-6pm.

Its 10.30am now and for the past two days I was exhausted by this time. I just sat around surfing the net aimlessly. Today is different. Instead of taking the extra 30 minutes of sleep that Richard gives me each day, I dragged myself to the gym by 6pm, stumbled into a class that was way too high impact for an out-of-shape person like me and now I am feeling GOOD!

I think we all know in our minds that the more active we are, the more energy we have. I had forgotten that it really is true. Plus, I feel a lot happier too from having already accomplished something for the day. I hadn't been to the gym in a couple of weeks and "fat", "waste of money" and "diet" were words that were coming out of me - and I felt grouchy.

Its definitely a love hate relationship between me and exercise. I was an every day exerciser up until moving back to Brisbane but I definitely was a chore on many days. I think the easiest way exercise is to make it a habit, something that I'd better get back into now. Supposedly, it takes 21 days to form a habit so make sure I do a post on August 10 about it.

To keep with my good humour for today, here are some one liners on exercise - not exactly motivational but fun anyway.

1. Being part of the human race does not count as exercise.

2. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

3. I'm on a strict running program. I started yesterday. I've only missed one day so far.

4. I get a lot of mental exercise by thinking up weird ways to avoid physical exercise.

5. I've just spent an hour in a stationary car and am working my way up to a stationary bike.

Sometimes, Its OK To Be Noisy

Ah, another quiet Sunday lazing in front of the TV.

Oops, that wasn't us. It was our neighbour's Sunday. Except, they didn't exactly have it quiet either. The back of our house looks onto a block of apartments and right into one particular living room. I'm guessing that the noise from our side floats straight in there because they have their doors wide open all the time. What I've started doing is keeping our doors closed in the evenings when we're the noisiest.

Aaron had a friend over today. The other little boy is about half a year older, blond, blue eyes and nearly head and shoulders taller than Aaron. So physically, they look very very different. But they are amazingly in sync in all other ways. The way they talk about dinosaurs, their drawing styles and even the non-dinosaur interests that they have are similar.

Back to the story about the neighbours. Well, Aaron and his friend eventually made their way outdoors to play dinosaurs. They were having a fantastic time roaring and stomping around in their make belief world. Unfortunately, they both have the same shrill scream when they're caught and being devoured.

Personally, I didn't think they were all that noisy. It wasn't really all that annoying a noise. But, after 10 minutes, I hear this shrill "SHUT UP!" coming from their living room. I did feel slightly embarrassed and tried to keep the boys a little more quiet but they just couldn't control themselves and I moved them indoors.

Thinking about it now, I think I should have left them out there. Our house is surrounded on all sides by 3 and 4 storey apartment blocks. They are mostly inhabited by singles or couples without kids. And guess what? They sometimes have parties that last late into the night when little boys are trying to sleeping. They had noisy barbecues when Adrian was a newborn and needing 3 naps a day. I understood and never yelled over to them. They were noisy but not excessive so I dealt with it because I acknowledge that they are at that stage in their lives.

So, today, we were noisy but not excessively and I have been very conscious about the noise level everyday so I know it hasn't been disturbing on other days. I think they should acknowledge that kids being happy and playing without restraint for a little while is valid because that is the stage they are at in life.

Its probably one of those things they won't know until they have some noisy children of their own.