On my drive home, I thought about what I looked forward to in each of my very routine days spent chauffeuring Aaron to and from school and fitting in housework and cooking in between. Each night, before I fall asleep, I am full of enthusiasm for the next day. Full of good intentions, I often plan out all the educational and fun activities that I can do with the both of them the next day. Things are very different in the morning and I often find my patience running out before we even leave for school.
This is about the time that I look forward to drive that we will have - fifteen minutes of the two of them strapped into their car seats. Its great if things go well and we have some funny conversation but its also OK with me if they decide to fight the whole way to school. I just turn up the radio and forget about them for awhile. Either way, driving is break time. I get optimistic again on the drive home and start to look forward to some productive time with Adrian.
I try to spend the morning reading or doing some activity related to numbers with Adrian in the morning. Its exhausting and by 11am, I look forward to his nap time at noon. And during his nap, I'm recharged again and look forward to more time with him when he wakes up.
There is a disturbing pattern here. I keep looking forward to time doing things with Aaron and Adrian but then when that time is the present, I look forward to the time that I get a break. I wonder if I ever fully enjoy the time that I am spending with them. Or is it meant to be that way? Fun, precious but exhausting times that can only be sustained in short bursts.
So, those were the short term things that I look forward to. On the medium term horizon, and by medium, I'm talking about the week, I probably look forward to Thursdays. Its my favourite day because I get a night off and get to go dancing. And on the long term horizon, I definitely look forward to school holidays. Once again, I am full of grand plans for them.
What do you look forward to?