Tuesday, June 4, 2013


You know what I'd like? Well, I think I would like a life that didn't swing from super packed weeks of highs to weeks of never ending lows. Yes, when I had a very routine and predictable life where one week was the same as the next and one month identical to all others, I complained about that too. We're constantly in search of perfection, right?

After a week of feeling generally disinterested in everything around me, irritable, impatient and just 'bleagh' about life, I think I've worked it out. I'm pointing my finger at endorphin addiction. Or rather, withdrawal symptoms from my mild endorphin addiction. 

My mother has been around for the past couple of months so even when Richard wasn't here, I still got to the gym and of course, clogging. Most importantly, clogging. I go for 3 hours, twice or three times a week.  I enjoy the company there, music and the challenge of it. And I thought that was what I missed when I couldn't get there. The endorphins from gym related exercise was at most 1 hour, twice a week.

My mother has left and Richard isn't around. So, there was a sudden stop in all forms exercise. I told myself that this was the time that I should focus on doing things with the kids (not that I wasn't before)....and of course keep on top of the various chores in the house.

I made my plans for Aaron and Adrian, all educational while being fun. So for the past week, we have been mostly at home, apart from school drop off/pick up but I have been trying, and failing to get anything done. Things around the house get done because there is a small sense of accomplishment when I cross chores off the list. Everything else got started but mostly ended in frustration. I would do one activity with Adrian and let him play around for the half hour by himself. I did not enjoy it and worse, I did not want to be there. 

Today, I didn't even bother trying. Instead, I spent the morning clogging at home. The cardio was addictive and I feel great now! Endorphins! Our own private narcotic stash. Why didn't I think to do this earlier?

I've had time with Adrian, done the housework and, I'm blogging! Simple as that - I just needed to do something energetic and enjoyable. It made me think of running around with Aaron and Adrian in the backyard but there is a difference - that is enjoyable in a different way. I feel I have achieved something for myself. 

Googling 'endorphins' led me to some interesting articles, mainly about "runner's high" and how "exercise, like drugs of abuse, leads to the release of neurotransmitters such as endorphins and dopamine, which are involved with a sense of reward." That particular article talks about a study that proved intense running and drug abuse produced similar withdrawal symptoms. There are people out there who run so much that they hurt themselves, all because of this feeling of invincibility. 

I'm not that much of an addict. I just know that clogging alone is no fun but it does help in lifting my mood significantly....


John Hill said...

Good for you, Amanda! Take care of yourself or you won't be able to take care of your family.

Everybody knows, "If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!"

Mike said...

As much as I played sports I never got a exercise high from any of it. I'm glad it works for you.