Monday, December 3, 2012

The Ups and Downs of Mothering

Before I start writing about what I've been thinking about today, here is a photo from a very enjoyable time that we all had at the beach yesterday.

It was an extremely windy day but the two boys were more than content to dig holes in the sand, run for some water, fill it up only to see it disappear and then start all over again. I took the time to read a book while Richard did a bit of playing and then took the long walk to go get some lunch for us.

So that was an no fuss, happy and relaxed Sunday. The rest of my week is usually enjoyable too and Aaron and Adrian provide numerous reasons for me to laugh. BUT. They also push me to my limit, drive me insane with their numerous whiny requests and generally give me that tense jaw look a zillion times a day. By about 7pm, I am ready for some time without them. I can't wait for them to go to bed so that I can have some peace.

Surely I can't be the only mother that feels this way. (Or maybe I am. Oops!) Today, I was talking to someone about going to the gym and that person asked why I needed to go. I should have just said that I needed to do stay healthy or something like that but in the spur of the moment, honesty was blurted out and I said "Because I need to get away from Aaron and Adrian." Doesn't that sound terrible?

The truth is that when I'm attending a class at the gym, be it Zumba or Body Combat, I don't have any other thoughts in my head except co-ordinating my arms and legs and keeping up with the instructor. Its the same when I go clogging, I don't think of anything else. Even if one of them was sick (minor illness of course) at home, I don't worry about them and just enjoy being free of people needing me.

My honest response about going to the gym has been swirling around my mind. That person must think that I'm a horrible mother! And I feel horrible too for wanting to get away from them but its a necessity. I'm a much better mother after I've had that time to forget about them and just sweat away the day's frustrations. It just irked me a little that somebody might have this horrible, negative impression of me when I'm just trying to be a more pleasant mother.


John said...

I get breaks at work. My employer recognizes that if I stay at the radar scope all day, at some point I begin to be less effective at what I do.

Don't feel bad about needing a break from being mom, wife, housekeeper, cook, etc. You will do better at all of those things if you take regular breaks for yourself.

I think you already know that. You just need somebody to tell you it's okay.

Mike said...

Everybody needs a break from anything they are doing 24/7.

Amanda said...

John - Thanks. You're right, I know its ok, or at least know that its something that I need. But I always feel this expectation from other people that I need to be loving it every minute of the day.

Mike - Thats exactly right. After all, a 9-5 job has at least a 2 hr lunch break and maybe a small break some other time during the day.