Friends...

My oldest and closest friend sent me this link to a New York Times article about why its hard to makes friends after 30. Its all about the fact that many new people enter our lives but most of them leave it without leaving any lasting impressions. Very few new, close, friendships are formed. Why? Because, "Schedules compress, priorities change, and people often become pickier in what they want in their friends"

Thats definitely the story of my life. At least with Facebook I've managed to stay in touch with some of my old friends but even those interactions are probably twice a year and at a very shallow level - in some cases, "old friends" should probably be redefined here as "somebody I used to know". This is sad. Sometimes I feel that I'm always the one that is trying to get old friends together again and nobody else initiates the get together. Do they all have such fantastic lives now that I am the "somebody they used to know" ?

So do I try to "restock" my friend pool? Yes, but I am picky and have a lot of constraints. Which is exactly what the article is talking about. I can't just ring someone up and say "Hey! Lets meet for lunch.". There are so many permutations now that can derail such a simple encounter. Adrian's nap time. If the other person has a child, that child's nap time. Whether either child is sick, has a sick sibling, has gymnastics or some other activity. If the person is single, then chances are I'd be to stressed taking a child along to such an encounter because I don't want to be judge for either being an indulgent parent or a strict parent, and I also cannot focus on making my conversation interesting for a single person if I have my parenting life along with me. So you see, it really narrows the choices down.

Let me take this further. When I finally find a person that I think I'd like to make the effort in being friends with, scheduling a meeting between the two families can stretch out for months. I'm using a real life example here - we have a family lunch date with another family in the second week of September! That was the earliest available weekend.

On the flipside, I have also started to question whether I am good quality 'friend' material. If I'm this picky about other people, then they must be this picky on me too. Sometimes, after a particularly enjoyable get together with new friends, I'll say to Richard "Do you think they like us?" I feel silly just thinking it! Who cares? I suppose I do....


So as a final note on friends, and how hard it is to have any these days, I am looking forward to meeting up with an old friend this Sunday and also next Wednesday. The Wednesday one is calling for a lot of effort from me (90 minute drive each way in between school drop off and pickup) but I want to do it. This person was a close friend in the past and has recently joined the ranks of parenthood so we should have some things in common.

I Suppose You've Past The Big Three-Oh

I met my old piano teacher for lunch today. She's not really old - sixty four (I think). I just use 'old' because I stopped my lessons with her fourteen years ago.

She used a lot of that word today though. For some reason, she kept saying that once you past sixty, you're living on borrowed time. Perhaps its because she's going through some stressful times at the moment or because her sister has a couple of cancers in her. Whatever the case, I felt so sad that she was having such a hard time.

I tried to keep things upbeat and talked about how everyone is living longer these days. She then reminded me that it was like yesterday that she would come pick me up to go for master classes. All that time passed so quickly and today, I picked her up and took her out to lunch. Thats when she said "I suppose you've past the big three-oh". (Yes, I have. Oh No! I'm halfway to the big six-oh!) If the next fourteen years pass by as quickly as the last, its true that she's going to gone in another blink of the eye. And so will many other people I know. What morbid thoughts!

Its strange to go from a teacher-student relationship to one where she tells me things about her family and her life. She's a friend. I like this grown-up relationship but I'll always have that respect for her as my teacher. At the same time, it makes me feel bad that I have such an easy life and have few worries while she's grown 'older' and seems to have so many. She's spent her life teaching and caring for others, shouldn't this be the time that she starts to be cared for and relax? The big six-oh for her seems to be taken like the end of the road.

Its a reminder that there are people less fortunate than us. Its also a reminder to make every day count. I wouldn't want to reach the big six-oh and feel like there is no time left to make my life worthwhile.

A third generation of friendship?

I went to a really fun birthday party on the weekend. It was for a one year old whose mum is my oldest friend. I've been trying to think back and I'm pretty sure that she is the first friend I had (we met at 5 or 6 years old). Both our dads were also childhood friends.

Here is a photo of the two of us. I think its her 9th or 10th birthday party.


And here is a photo of the both of us last weekend. Its a shame that we didn't take one together with the kids. Have to remember for next time.


I think its so cool that our dads were friends growing up in Penang, and then we were friends growing up in Ipoh, and now, our children will be friends growing up in Brisbane. If the children remain friends into their thirties there would be a three generation bond of friendship of nearly a hundred years! Imagine that....