6 Don'ts For Wives

Several days ago, I mentioned that the little book I bought, "Don'ts for Wives", was broken down into twelve chapters. I thought I'd share "Don'ts" from the first six chapters today. I have picked those that I think will have some relevance to wives now.

1. Personalities
Don't despise sound common sense because he doesn't indulge in brilliant inspirations.
Somehow this reminds me of the Tortoise and the Hare story. Not everybody can be flash.

2. How to avoid discord
Don't nag your husband. If he won't carry out your wishes for love of you then he surely won't if you nag him.
This is something I remember from before we were married - I never wanted to be a nag. After 10 years, I do find myself nagging occasionally but I don't think I'm all that bad.

3. Habits
Don't open the door for yourself when your husband is present. He would open it for a lady guest, let him open it for you. Besides, your boys will not learn the little courtesies that count nearly as well by precept as by example.
I'm going to have to get this started in our house. ALL the boys in this house need to learn it.

4. Financial Matters
Don't spend all the best years of your life pinching and saving unnecessarily, until you are too old to get any pleasure out of your money.
Ah, I like this one a lot but its definitely something that I have problems with. I thought people from a hundred years ago would be more into saving all the time.

5. Evenings At Home
Don't let him search the house for you, Listen for his latch-key and meet him at the threshold.
Fiona left a comment mentioning something similar from her religion. Looks like this is one of those universal truths.

6. Jealousy
Don't be jealous of your husband's acquaintance with other women. You don't want him to think you are the nicest woman in the world because he never sees any others, but because he sees plenty, and still feels that you are the only one in the world for him. Have nice girls around the house pretty frequently.
I found it hardest to pick something from this chapter. They all seemed so old fashioned. Even with this one, I'm not so sure about that last sentence.

And there you have it. I've already put #4 into practice today. Better get cracking on the other ones...

What do abusive relationships and I have in common?

We were on a bus yesterday and I noticed this advertisement. I can't remember all the details but it was something like this :

Are you in an abusive relationship?

* Does he tell you what you wear?
* Does he monitor your phone calls?
* Does he tell you who you can meet and where you can go?
* Does he control what you can spend on?


CALL THIS NUMBER FOR HELP 123 456

I know the advertisement is addressing a very serious issue and there are people out there who need help. But, I had to laugh at it. I don't think a day passes that I don't do at least one of those things to Richard. Yet I certainly don't think that I have been abusing him.

Take his clothes for example. Just last week, I begged him not to wear a beige colored older-man style jacket out. He didn't listen then but when we went to church on Sunday and he saw a man in his 80s wearing something similar, he came home and put his jacket away. And, he thanked me.

And his phone calls? I'm always asking "Who was that? What did he want?". If somebody calls three times in one morning then I'll surely ask why. Its just curiosity, right?

Who we see and where we go? We rarely go out individually and usually go everywhere as a family. Family as in the both of us and the two needy dependents. So of course I need to know what kind of people we're meeting and what sort of place we're going to. I admit, I do feel a bit stung if Richard says he wants to go somewhere that he knows we won't be able to take the kids to. Thats because it means that I have to stay home to look after them.

Ah, spending. Well, we've been married 10 years. Richard insists that I be the financial controller. I'm not kidding! He has an ulterior motive to this though. If I'm the controller, then he always has a reason not to spend too much money on me. Yeah, its to save me from extravagant gifts. So, since I'm the controller, I have the right to tell him that he doesn't need a new $800 mountain bike.

I'm sure the line between an abusive relationship and a marriage is not a fine one but those same questions seem so normal my daily life.

OMG! A new thought just entered my mind. I have become a NAGGING WIFE! I'm only thirty four EEK! Better cut back...