Just Relax!

Relaxing is something I have lots of trouble with. I always want to relax but very often, I don't think I reach that state.

On a whim, I booked myself in for a facial this afternoon. I haven't had my faced professionally cleaned in nearly two years and I really needed it! It was one hour of lying down, listening to some new-age type music and having somebody repeatedly clean, exfoliate and massage my face. It was peaceful in there and I might even have forgotten that I am a frazzled mother in real life.

Strangely, I felt as if my body was rejecting all the relaxation. I'd be lying there, thinking of how peaceful I was feeling when I would suddenly notice that all my fingers and toes were tense and some pointing at strange angles. It was weird. I'd relax them only to find that after awhile, my knees were locked tight. This went on the entire time. I tried to quiet my mind as well but that was even harder. The more I tried, the more it seemed to have things to think about. Maybe its a combination of a lack of practice at relaxing and enjoying calmness as well as the brain thinking that its finally got some bandwith to do some thinking that doesn't involve firefighting situations with Aaron and Adrian.

One of the things that crossed my mind was that after I had quit my job and before I became a mother, I had lots of time to myself. However, back then, I felt that I must not relax because that would be lazy and I would be wasting all the time that I had. Silly me! I should have been practicing back then. Look whats happened now, I rarely get any time to myself and when I do, I don't know how to use it to relax.

In the end, whether I was relaxed or not, I did have a great (waking) one hour of not moving, not speaking and not needing to listen. I should do this again some time....need the practice.