This year is turning out to be a bumper year for making new friends. Its great and all but I've noticed that my self confidence has plummeted since becoming a stay-at-home-(literally)-mom. I'm always second guessing myself and wondering if people will like me. In the past, I just assumed that I was the most likable person around!
After each meeting with another family I'm always wondering if they liked us enough. Did I talk to much? Was I too pushy? Will they want to meet with us again? Did they think we were too lenient with Aaron? Or did they think we were too harsh?
I know its just me and these wonderful people probably, hopefully, didn't think anything like that. I really need to forget about worrying what other people think. If they're really not that into us, so be it. There's no sense in pretending to be people we're not anyway.
Another thing that constantly has me worrying is Aaron's behavior. I swear, he behaves decently when we are home alone. I can even say he's well behaved. However, when there are other people around, he decides to test all his limits. People are going to think that I don't teach my son....
Today was an exception. I met up with some people and there were 6 kids in total. And Aaron was normal! You can't imagine how it felt to just sit back and watch him play peacefully with the others. I didn't feel any of the usual anxiety and didn't need to sit on the edge of my chair.
Anyway, I think I need to stop taking things so seriously. And, stop wondering about what people think of me, my family and my parenting skills. Having new friends is meant to be fun!
10 comments:
I think that when we ask other people about themselves, we get to know them and they get to talk about their favorite subject--their own life and self.
If you can get them talking about what's important to them, they will like you!
As for Aaron, our kids were just the opposite, good in public, testing the limits at home. So many of our friends just wouldn't believe that they were ever disobedient. All-in-all, they were pretty good kids at home too.
of course we like you n your family! n Aaron is just being a boy. :)
John - Yes, I totally agree with you. I genuinely love hearing about other people. But I know I'm a little chatty too sometimes so I try to hold back.
Fiona - Phew! Thanks :)
Listen to John - our children were exactly the same. And don't worry about being "too chatty" - I would rather have someone that was overly chatty (but willing to let others talk, too!) than someone who just sits there like a lump and is impossible to communicate with.
Go back to my blog again today, read my intro at the top left, then laugh at the videos again.
Amanda, you have such healthy perspectives on your feelings. I often feel like the misfit of motherhood. I am older, many of my friends these days are young women in the 20-30 year old range. I know on a good I will get few invites because I am an older mom, so I seek out and host lots of stuff. People always come so I know they like me, but it's just life, no matter how old we are.
What is important is that you ar focussing on what it is that makes for good friendships, asking lots of questions and learning about other moms. I tend to do well with like-minded moms, and often attract those kinds of friendships.
I have also met moms, that in the beginning I thought would be a fun friendship only weeks later could not run fast enough away.
You are amazing in your process.
It's always difficult meeting someone for the first time.
Hi! I found your blog through the link on the BlogHer ads (I actually read them!) and this post really resonated with me. I am kind of crunchy, so I worry that people thing we're weird for the things that we do (cloth diaper, grow our own veggies, use cloth bags) but I have to remind myself that I'm doing what I think is best.
I don't think anyone else is weird for not doing the things I do, so they probably don't think I'm weird.
Okay, so my first post on your blog is all about me. Sorry about that!
All I'm saying is that I think most moms are looking for friends and someone to talk to. If you can give them that, then I think you're good. :)
I enjoyed your post!
This is amazing. I honestly didn't expect so many comments this morning.
Bilbo - LOL at the "lump". I certainly wouldn't want to be that.
Mike - I really did go back and read the top left of your page. Good words.
Elizabeth - I always love the comments you leave me. With age comes wisdom and you have plenty of it. Thanks for sharing.
JLP - You're so right. Although, kids usually don't have as much of a problem.
keli.h - Welcome! Thanks for reading and commenting. I'm glad you shared about yourself because now I know there are other people there that cloth diaper and grow their own veggies. Good to 'meet' you.
I think you would be a great friend , loyal & interested ...they would be crazy not to like you. ;)
As for Aaron I am sure people make allowances for 2yr olds as they have little monsters too.
Relax and enjoy yourself.
Ps I try to grow my own veggies and we are almost out of nappies (nightime only ... and not also much cloth now ...I'm feeling bad about it but after Easter they are going back to night time cloth)
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